Narrated by Brianna.
It is still a shock to me. I hold my little miracle Samira tight. I still can not believe that Neal is gone. Just a few days ago I was hugging him and telling him how much I loved him. Yet here I am today a widow. It happened at work, something went wrong with a weapon he was testing. I ask myself, should I have let Neal work so long in the military? It was a freak accident so much that they did not let me see his body. Yes....I hold Samira because she is the one baby that Neal and I created together. My kids are what keeps me going.
At the funeral, Simon and Brandi came back from their vacation home to see how I was doing. Simon was still shocked about Neils accident. I just stood there staring at them and Brandi told me, "If you need to then come back with us. You can rest on Tikki Island with the kids."
As much as I wanted to I could not take the kids out of school. They needed some for of normalcy.
Ian showed up at last. I thought he was not going to show since he is always out with some girl. I hugged my triplett brother. He and Marcos and I were born from our mother together and because of this we share a special connection. He knew I needed him and thats why he was here.
"I am so sorry Bri...really sorry"
"Just hug me Ian....."
We all paid our last respects. The kids were too sad and confused to even say anything. My family all hugged me and I just wanted to get this day over with.
I have been back to work but all my emotional strength is gone by the time I get home. My brother Marcos has been a big help during my whole ordeal. My whole family has been there for me. Marcos takes care of Samira while I sit and stare. I keep thinking this is just a dream but then I realize that it is not.
I hate hearing the kids cry. Isaiah worries so much about me now. He worries that I am not going to come home some day. I understand his fear and I also realize that sooner rather than later we will have to see someone to talk about our feelings.
Samira turned two and she reminds me of Neal so much. I still can not believe that I did not celebrate her birthday. I just do not feel like having all my family over and attending to them. The worse is that now I feel that they will over crowd me.
Dinners are quieter than before. Isaiah is playing soccer now and that gives us the opportunity to go and watch him play. I just hope that Taylor will get into an extra activity. I worry about her being so quiet now.
Samira is finally brave enough to start taking those first few steps. It is a blessing and terror at the same time. Before I know it I am sure she will be running all over the place and knocking everything down.
Just when I think a little normalcy or at least what resembles it arrives, Taylor starts to cry uncontrollably. I have set up an appointment with a psychologist to discuss Neal's passing.
My brother Marcos comes to the rescue and takes Taylor to his home to play with his kids. I just hope that we will be able to move on. Its been over a year of Neal's passing and I have now stopped being angry for him dying. Now I just thank god that Taylor has plenty of male role models to look up to.
I came back because I missed Neil. I also visited my parents and my little sister Adrienne. I cant believe that it has been so long since my parents and little sister passed. At least Neil will have some company in heaven. Why is this so hard?
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